What to do When You Run Out of Patience and Your Child is Only 4: A Motherhood Memoir

*whispers* Jesus take the wheel.

This phrase, prayer and cry has been close to my heart, on my lips and in my head for the past few months. I would like to start with a question, Raise your hand if you have been personally victimized by your child? *raises both hands and maybe a foot* HERE IS THE THING!!! Soph’s main goals in life is to troll and try me. Like I know that’s why God put her on this wretched thing we call earth for those two reasons. When trolling me with questions about my hair and workout routine. (if you follow me on IG you know what I am talking about) don’t suffice, she then turns to running me ragged and wearing my patience so thin you can see through it. From giving unsolicited advice and commands, to telling all of this households business to ANYONE and EVERYONE that will lend a listen; I often contemplate shipping her to her grandparents for the rest of eternity.

Before, anyone gets all up in arms and panties in a bunch, I love Soph more than I love myself. She is everything and then some, BUT MY WORD! She knows how to push my buttons. She’s like a self proclaimed Sour Patch Kid. She insults your hair “Mom your hair isn’t all blue, *makes a face of disgust* you should fix that. I’ve never, in my existence been so offended by someone who still needs help with life. Even as I’m typing this now she is telling me how my 7 looks like an F when I corrected her. She goes “Well it still looks like a F” GIRL, who are you? I find myself wanting to be petty in times like this. Like, you barely write your 7’s right consistently but you wanna tell me. Then I get myself together and take the moral high road.

Soph stays tryin me. The other day I watched her do something her Maddy specifically told her she couldn’t do. This little girl was asked if she did it and lied right to my face. GIRL. . . We saw you do this. *Father in heaven and all that is holy *PLEASE TAKE THE WHEEL!* Let me pause to say this one thing. One serious F*** you to those who said 2 was the worst. In the words of Remy Ma, “Are you dumb?” How is 2 worse than 4? HOW SWAY??

After polling some of my mom friends, I have come to the conclusion we were lied to, but that’s not for this post, so back to the matter at hand we go. So when all the patience I thought I had goes clear out the window. WHAT. DO. YOU. DO? I mean besides head to the closest liquor store, judge your mothers. Listen I don’t have the answers. (Sway and I have that in common) What I can say is, I stopped feeling guilty for asking for a break from my child. This is when someone from her tribe is tagged in, come get your kid please.

I’ve come to realize that parenthood is a team effort, doesn’t matter what your team looks like as long as you have a team. I have been blessed with an amazing tribe that I am so grateful for,S/O to those who are in my tribe. I would not have made it this far without ya’ll. I say all of that to say this, Soph is giving me a run for my money on a daily basis, but you know she is the only person I would choose over and over again. Whew CHILAY she stresses me but I wouldn’t have it any other way. She has changed my life for the better and motherhood is real poppin, I’m just gonna do it with sleepovers at a TT’s house sometimes and bottles of wine other times.

Until next time loves,


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