*cues Remember the Time and pretends to do the choreo* Remember the time I told you I was blessed with the ultra diva with all the sass. Well let me tell you about Ms Sophina. She is loud, sassy, bossy, talkative, inquisitive and so much more. Soph has been the queen of the side eye since birth. She has been making people know and understand that she has indeed arrived since she popped into this world at exactly 11:00am July 4th.
Now, when Soph was a baby, she was amazing. She stuck to her sleep schedule like a pro. Teething was a breeze. She hit milestones like she’s been here before and life was perfect. Upon the arrival of her second birthday I started to hear people chime in about how I should prepare for battle. “Two is terrible” or “Good luck”. Are among the lovely phrases that people, I never asked, would tell me when learning she was turning two. So her second birthday rolls around and I gird my loins for craziness ahead. Nothing happens, 6 months later, I still had a polite and loving child. I thought I was a fluke, maybe I had the best kid ever. I thought to myself prematurely. BUT DEAR HEAVENLY FATHER WAS I IN FOR A TREAT! Not one soul told me the real age I needed to look out for was 3. That maybe I should have sprinkled holy water on her and her 3rd birthday. Because 3 came and slapped the whole mess outta me.
A month after her 3rd birthday, It was like a case of the body snatchers, she was A WHOLE ASS OTHER KID!!! I’m not sure where my baby has gone but I’ve been asking God for her back. She dances to her own beat, does her own thing. Bosses everyone around, terrorizes everyone. Demands that people do as she pleases. And here I am just struggling to make it through a day with her. Between her very 3 year old behavior at preschool and her wild antics at home. I’m defeated. Just a few weeks ago I got into my sister friend group chat, after crying my eyes out to my girlfriend and mom, and flat out said. I’m failing on the mom tip. NOTHING I’M DOING IS WORKING! She’s making me crazy, I’m losing patience.I just need your understanding at this time. I was immediately flooded with words of encouragement that made me cry even more. (that night I was a mess, a big ass mess) One of the things that stood out to me was “You have never been a mom of a three year old, as she grows so do you.” That line from my friend sent me into inconsolable crying. That one line and Sophina’s behavior taught me 3 things.
1. Be flexible.
Roll with the punches we have great days and not so good days. I’ve had to learn I have to take 3 on a minute my minute basis. Because, Listen, if I didn’t I would be stressed all of the time. Learning when and where to pick battles has been a very important lesson I have learned as a teacher, and one of the things I have been able to use in motherhood.
2. Be forgiving towards yourself and your child
On those not so good days or not so good moments. Be gracious and forgiving. Sometimes we didn’t give a directive in the right tone. Or maybe it’s a Sophina’s gonna do what I want day. Both of us are learning. She’s never been 3 before, and this is my first time raising a 3 year old (that is clearly going on 16). At the end of the day it is necessary for me to be patient with her and myself.
3. Be understanding
Like I said we are first timers. As each year comes there will be new things that will pop up. Some of my old strategies may work but then sometimes I will try and nothing will work. As her person, her mother, I need to help her navigate through this little toddler world she lives in. I also need to understand that I am not my mother and she is not me. What may have worked for her raising me, may very well not work for me raising her. I need to figure out what motherhood looks like for us.
I have to constantly remind myself why both her and I are amazing. Sophina is the best kid, she is so smart and picks up things very quickly. She is determined to be independent and sometimes picks struggling over asking for help. Which I commend her for, she will at least try before she asks for help. Again I find myself envying my daughter. She doesn’t wait for anyone, she makes the rules and the standards. She’s the youngest one in her class and still manages to be able to tell the oldest and biggest ones how things NEED to be done. She’s tends to be fearless (except for the dark that one still gets her). She’s virtually unstoppable, nothing gets her down or slows her down. The only time she’s semi still is in her sleep. She is a force to be reckoned with and lets everyone know it. I love her with every fiber of my being. I love all the sass, energy, determination, spunky and independent part of her. She may be a diva but she’s my very own diva, and for that I am beyond grateful. Diva or not she’s always going to be the light of my life even when it gets hard. Remember sometimes you have to cut yourself a break, and trust the process. Until next time.