For Colored Moms, When the word NO! isn’t enough.

In honor of Woman’s History Month, I thought I would talk about saying “No” and how that is Self-Care. Before we get started I have a confession: I love telling people “No.” I love it a lot, and I’m not ashamed. I’m writing this piece because I feel like it is necessary to remind everyone that saying “No” is a full sentence. *insert yelling emoji* “NO” IS A FULL SENTENCE!!!! I don’t owe you an explanation after me telling you “Nah.” There could be a plethora of reasons that I choose to say no, but those reasons are between God and me. There is this notion that society lives by, that as mothers we are at the beck and call of others once we give birth. I’m here to tell you that is a whole ass lie. A WHOLE ASS LIE! My obligation is to my child, and even then she can get a “No.”

Stop making moms, especially black moms feel like saying no is a sign of disrespect. No is just no. We shouldn’t have to feel obligated to oblige every time someone asks us to do something.  I’m not here to save the whole world. I am exhausted at the thought that my superpowers of being a mom are overshadowing me being human and being tired. The supermom complex is incredibly hurtful to us moms simply because we should not have to pick up the slack of everyone around us. That is not why we are here. Are moms amazing, HELL YES! Are we magic? You bet your sweet ass we are! HOW-FREAKING-EVER, this doesn’t negate the fact a break is needed. That a “No” needs to be said, and there is a level of selfishness we are allowed to have. At the end of the day were aren’t teaching our children anything but running yourself into the ground is part of being a mom. We end up teaching our daughters that its a badge of honor to be exhausted and never to think of yourself. We teach our sons that if a woman is not willing to kill themselves over you, they aren’t worth it. When in actuality that is wrong. Self-care is the best form of love because we teach our children so much more when they see us loving ourselves. Love yourself mama’s because that is the best type of love. Later I want to talk about what other things I do to keep my sanity (besides telling people “No”). Just remember saying “NO” is self-care. Until next time.



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